Walking That Fine Line, Elation vs. Anxiety

I've been trying to come up with a clever "10-day countdown" post, but it's not coming. I know I've forgotten at least a few posts on wedding details, but they seem so trite for my mood. I also want to wait until all the pieces come together before I present them to you. I know, it's last minute, but I'm hoping you'll like our escort cards and our wedding favors-- I'm totes loving them!

I'm living in a heightened sense of reality. Everything is either a complete miracle or total disaster-- there is no in-between. Me finishing my escort cards all by myself: complete miracle. My wedding shoe order being cancelled: total disaster. I cried in the shower for 30 minutes yesterday. I can't even tell you what I was crying about-- it just all kept coming. I feel like I'm walking a thin line between total elation and total anxiety.

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I'm so sure about our marriage and our union, and that is the comforting part. What I'm unsure of is the actual wedding. Am I doing enough? Will our guests be happy? Should I be hosting more events? Will they be picking their noses?

I think I just worry that our guests are taking time out of their schedules, and spending a pretty penny to stay in Napa for the weekend-- I want them to feel like they're loved and appreciated. I wish we could host a giant party every night of the long weekend, but parties Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday are just not in the budget. Don't you just wish you had a suitcase with a billion dollars in it?

But then I try to remember how much fun Napa is and how happy I am when I'm there. You guys, it's crush season!!!! V. Sattui's Crush Party is the night before our wedding! I keep trying to remind myself that the guests will be happy enough being in wine country. Hello? Miss Barrettes?? Tasting in Napa all day long can make even the most sour soul happy!

So hive, that's where I am. I still have things to show you, things to tell you, but they're still falling into place and in the meantime you're just left with what's going on in my brain. Thanks for letting me vent--it's so much more productive than crying in the shower.

xo Barrettes